on particularly self-destructive nights, i light a smoke, drifting and weightless in grey mist. and i try not to let the hypocrisy of this existence consume me. tell yourself, developing associations between cigarettes and the deep black that looms within, that'll help - no more smoking, no more this. then i realise not belatedly but within that second, this will stay, tobacco nicotine sticks or not.
it's a disgusting habit and smokers who do take offence, i would think, are self-delusional. but let's all hurtle to death the way we'd like.